Eating french fries that are too hot, burning their mouths, and then eating more. You know, lunch.
I think I've officially lost my mind. I loaded the boys up in the car and took them to the nearest mall, OF MY OWN FREE WILL. There was no big sale, nobody forcing me, nothing in particular I needed to buy; I took my two year olds to the mall by myself just for funzies.
First off, Eastridge mall in San Jose blows chunks. It's mostly huge department stores with crappy off-name brand stores scattered in between. The elevator is in the center of the mall and to get to it there's no central walkway (Des Moines people, I'm talking about Jordan Creek's lay out) you have to walk completely around the mall to get to it. That in itself was annoying.
How did the boys do? We stopped at Subway for apples and water first to keep their hands and mouths occupied. Then off to Children's Place and Old Navy. By the time we were in Old Navy they just wanted out of the stroller, so I let them out. And they stayed right by me. IT WAS AMAZING. Until we had to wait in line to check out. Cue Julian cutely getting back into the stroller and Isaiah's flailing, borderline-psychopath, raging tantrum. Of course the ever so smooth cashier had the balls to ask me about signing up for cards and programs and other bullshit I didn't really care about while I was football holding my flailing child over my hip.
Isaiah proceeded to use his masterful back-arch while I was trying to get him to sit in the stroller, in which he slides dramatically down the front of the stroller while I stand there asking him if he's finished with his performance. All while Julian was sitting like a good kid, just waiting to go have lunch.
I got them fail-safe french fries for lunch and although they kept eating them before they were cooled off, burning their mouths and spitting out the fries, only to grab more fries and repeating the process, lunch was a success. We made it to the car all in one piece and despite my efforts to keep them awake so they'd nap at home, this happened:
So we sat in the parking garage at home while they napped and I reveled in a little bit of silence. I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to take them to the mall on my own but I'm glad I did. It's good to put yourself in these situations (especially with two kids) so you don't get all embarrassed and stabby the next time it happens in public. Plus your kids need to learn how to not be a-holes in public.
Despite this somewhat successful solo shopping trip, we'll probably be waiting before we do it again soon. Or I'll need a couple of beers on hand for the after party.